What’s This?

Isn’t seeing through walls and around corners your superpower?

My husband. I love him. He’s my best friend, my soulmate, my fearless dog coparent. He’s the best dishwasher and morning coffee maker in the whole world, or at least my world.

Hubs even does laundry! How many wives can boast about that?

There’s just one teeny, tiny problem: he doesn’t know where anything goes, even if he just put it away yesterday.

One more, slightly - and I mean really only slightly, like, ant compared to an amoeba sized: he thinks I can see through walls and around corners.

“Cris! Where does this go?”

“What?”

“This! What I’m holding in my hand!”

I don’t even ask. I just turn around and head back downstairs - why can D. never remember where things go when I am NOT halfway up the stairs to my home office???

“That’s a baking sheet, dear. It goes in the cupboard with the other baking sheets. Also, you know I can’t see through walls, right?”

“You were just around the corner!”

“…and light doesn’t bend…?”

“Well, actually…”

I’ll spare you what’s beyond the ellipsis. Damien’s penchant for finding the tiniest fact needle in a barn full of hay is a blog for another day.

Another variation of the previous, antecedent-free pronoun conversation goes as follows. For that one let’s live my fantasy of not being almost to the top of the stairs, rushing to shower and put on makeup before appearing on camera for a Microsoft Teams meeting. Let’s pretend it’s early Saturday morning, before I’ve had my first cup of coffee, and I’m just a few feet away in the laundry room.

The laundry room is still around the corner from the kitchen, so the whole assumption I can see around corners still applies. I mean, we can’t get too crazy, right?

“Dear, where does this go?”

“Damien, that’s a broom. It goes in the broom closet.”

“Where’s the broom closet?”

“In the front hallway, the same place it was yesterday when you took the broom out of it to sweep.”

“Well I don’t know. You’re always changing things around on me!”

Now I will grant that yes, in my home office/sewing room, I do move things around a bit, usually to make room for more fabric, or Cricut supplies. The whole rest of the house, however, has been organized the same way for over a decade. In fact, Damien himself organized it that way.

Say it with me: “Well actually…”

Maybe I should just draw hubster a map of where everything goes and post it on the refrigerator door.

Nah. He’d forget it was there.